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Read all about it! My first article has been published in the Plumbline, my universities engineering newspaper! Sure the entire thing is a satirical rag that people wouldn't wrap fish and chips in, but hey, front page! Without further ado, I present,

Save the Dutch!

My fellow engineers. Our brave dyke-building cousins, the Dutch, are in need of our assistance. A terrible new disease is sweeping through the Dutch people, like an ocean crashing through an improperly maintained dyke, spilling out onto the hamlets and villas below, crushing the villagers trying to run in their wooden clogs. This disease is ODADCD (Obsessive Doodling and Drinking Coffee Disorder), a mental disorder which causes the victim to doodle obsessively on everything they find, including windmills and stroopwaffels, and drink coffee constantly. The poor victim becomes like an addict, doing anything they can to try to get their fix of coffee and when without a pen, doodling with everything in arm's reach, from kroketten to peppernoten. When I asked an ODADCD victim recently how it affected her life she said, "Ask me when I'm less distracted", then went back to drawing oranges playing soccer. We here at the CNDCADWODADCD (The Centre for Non-Dutch Concerned About Dutch with Obsessive Doodling and Drinking Coffee Disorder) are begging you for any help you can give to help bring an end to this calamity. We are also accepting volunteers to donate their time to help spread the word about this cruel disorder, they would be well compensated with liquorice. You can reach us at 1-800-ODADCD or through our offices at Beverenstraat 61, Amsterdam, 020 4083013.

Enjoy!

-Mysterious Penguin

P.S. Don't call that number. I mean it. Really. Don't.